I have a Pacemaker/Defibrillator because my heart has some muscle damage and also tends to go into atrial fibrillation (flutter) occasionally. It's really no big deal. Lots of folks have them and they are really pretty neat. They aren't too big and the doctor just cuts a slit in the skin and slips it in. Of course there's a little more to it than that because they have to hook up a few wires to the heart but it isn't really anywhere near to being major surgery. The only problem is that the battery only lasts about 5 years and they have to replace the unit periodically. That's what they did for me yesterday.
I had to be there at 7:30 a.m. so Wanda and I got an early start headed to the hospital. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink after the previous midnight so I was just dying for some breakfast. What I would have given for a steak, some eggs, and a big cup of coffee! Oh well, maybe I'd live until lunch. Maybe.
I got checked in on time and was escorted into the cardiovascular surgical unit. As soon as my butt hit the cot I was swarmed by 5 beautiful nurses. It was awful. (pffffft!) I felt like a movie star. They were all so nice and they certainly knew their jobs. They stuck me with an I.V. (which I was to really appreciate later) and shave off the only hair I had on my chest. Darn! I hope it grows back. Thank goodness they let me keep my grey ponytail and beard.
It was obvious from the beginning that these girls had a sense of humor and knew how to "cut the fool." If you know anything at all about me then you know that I love to "cut the fool." In fact, I've been doing it for so long that I've forgotten how normal folks really act. Anyway, I jumped right in and had a blast cutting up with the ladies. They made the morning fun and if we could have sent out for pizza and beer it would have been a heck of a party.
Next it was time to be wheeled down to surgery. Time to get serious. Not! The folks in surgery were cut-up's too. Please pardon the pun. Right out of the gate a cute little nurse asked me, "Well, are you ready to do it?" Now there's an opening I just could not refuse. "Not now Honey, but maybe after the surgery we could work something out." Everybody in the room broke into spontaneous laughter and I could see this was going to be fun. And it was. We cut up right up to the point to where the Doctor stabbed (I mean sliced) me. It wasn't bad. Local anesthesia but they covered my head so that I couldn't watch. I guess they thought I had fallen asleep because sometimes I don't breathe real quietly and it sort of sounds like a snore. I listened to the whole thing. It was pretty interesting. When it was over I told the girl that I was awake the whole time. "Riiiiiiiiiight..." she said. I don't think she believe me. Oh well, what's new? The story of my life.
Now it was time to be rolled back out to recovery. The group of nurses was still out there and as I said before, it wasn't bad at all. The only thing bad was that laying flat on my back and not being able to move for a few hours was causing my arthritis to kick into action. My knees, hips, and shoulders were definitely letting me know that they wanted some attention. Wow. I was in pain. When I told one of the nurses I figured she would say something like, "Don't worry, it will all be over soon." But I was in for a huge surprise when she asked me, "Are you allergic to morphine?" What? Are you kidding me? I'd kill for some morphine right now. I told her I was definitely not allergic to morphine and in a matter of only a few minutes she was shooting the "good stuff" into my I.V. bag. Heck, no need for that. She could have just stuck the needle in me and saved herself some trouble. "This may make you a little sleepy," she said. Sweet words... but I forced myself to stay awake. I wasn't about to go to sleep now... not with pretty nurses everywhere and me being the center of attention. No sir. This old boy is going to stay awake.
Wifee came in and I was told it was ok if I wanted to eat now, and my sweet wife slipped down to the cafeteria and picked me up a burger and Coke. I can't tell you how good that little burger tasted. And the Coke was heavenly.
Soon it was time to leave and so we got into the car and headed back toward our little house on the river. It sure was good to get home. I thought Sissy (our little weiner dog) was going to have a stroke. She was so happy to see us and we were happy to see her. Home Sweet Home. There's no place like.
So folks, that wraps it up. I made it through my little surgical procedure and am now all charged up (that's a pun folks... lol.) and ready for the Spring and Summer. Bring it on!
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