My Favorite (and Not-So-Favorite) Holidays

Yesterday was Memorial Day... one of my favorite holidays... and I enjoyed it very much. We cooked a large pork roast on the grill and I took some pics of the birds on the bird feeders.  Sissy (dogger) soaked up some Sun while Miss Kitty got in some serious tree climbing in her best effort to impress us.  It was a nice day.  
Some holidays are not that enjoyable.  Sure, some of us get the day off to celebrate whatever that particular holiday commemorates, but many holidays come with baggage.  Actually, depending who you are, maybe all holidays come with baggage... but some are worse than others... and here is why.
Let's start with the big one... Christmas, or whatever you wish to call that holiday season.  Call me a Scrooge if you will, but no matter, Christmas is just not all that enjoyable of a holiday.  Sure, it's great to watch the kids get their toys and laugh and play on Christmas.  Some of us get to see our extended families during the Christmas season also, and that is good... sometimes.  But here is the catch.  We are all EXPECTED to buy gifts for people on Christmas Day.  Sometimes that can be a LOT of people.  And that can be a LOT of money.  We are expected to spend money during what is a very tough economic time of the year.  Layoffs (of full-time jobs) are rampant during the Christmas Season.  Factories shut down and stores virtually quit ordering new merchandise.  They have already stocked up for Christmas and now must sell down their inventory to avoid paying too much tax on their inventory come the new year. Warehouses slow down, trucking slows down, and generally employment goes way down during the season.  Utility bills go up because of the cold weather and our household budgets get strained to the limit.  It is just not a time that I can honestly say that I enjoy.
There are other holidays where we are expected to buy gifts, but not all of them are really that bad.  We are expected to buy gifts on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthdays (other than family), and probably others that I am forgetting about.  Now, don't get me wrong... I am not against buying my loved ones a gift every now and then.  I am a gift giver and I enjoy doing it.  So far this year I have gifted quite a bit and most of it had nothing to do with any holiday.  (Wifee's chocolate diamond ring was the exception, but I know better than to forget HER birthday... lol.) 
As I said, I enjoy giving gifts.  I just don't like to be told that I HAVE to buy gifts for folks that probably feel the same way about it as I do.  That is my main complaint about some of the holidays.
I do enjoy the holidays where I am not compelled to give gifts but can just enjoy the time with my family and friends.  New Year's Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, and Thanksgiving are My Favorite Holidays.  These holidays are meant to remember and to enjoy.  Memorial Day is tough... a lot of us have lost friends and loved ones who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country.  I take time to do this on Memorial Day and then I do my best to enjoy the off time.  I think this is the way that they would want it.  It is a meaningful and enjoyable (for the most part) holiday.
And then there are the meaningless holidays.  Columbus Day comes immediately to mind.  I won't go into this one, but you already know how I feel about Christopher Columbus if you have read all of my earlier blogs.  Why in the hell is it even a holiday?  Go figure.
Easter is one that has really gone down the tubes.  It has evolved into a day where we go out and watch little kids run around and try to find and eat all of the chocolate Bunny eggs possible.  Nuff said.
Halloween... All Hallow's Eve.  I say let the kids have their fun. 
And let's not forget Groundhog Day.  Puxsutawney Phil and his silly band of characters.  Wow, what a zoo... pun intended.  At least Groundhog Day is good for a laugh or two, so maybe it's not so bad after all.

Abused Women... Leave... Now!

Jodi Arias says she was abused so she retaliated by stabbing, cutting, and shooting her boyfriend.  Lorena Bobbitt says she was abused so she sliced of her husband's manhood while he was asleep.  Whitney Houston was obviously abused by Bobby Brown but she chose not to leave him.  She ended up taking her own life in desperation.
These people are famous now but domestic abuse is a very prevalent occurrence in virtually every nation on the planet.  Domestic abuse is not something that "works itself out" over time.  In almost every case the abuse only gets worse as time goes on.  The only way out of the situation is for one of the two parties involved to separate themselves from the other.  Unfortunately this does not happen nearly often enough.  Women tend to stay with the men who beat them and they end up getting beat over and over again.  Don't ask me why this is the case... I simply don't know.  Some may say that she stays because of love.  If this is the case then it is not the kind of love that I am familiar with.  Women who are being abused need to get away from the man who is abusing them and they need to do it now.
That is all that needs to be said about this situation.  It is the only solution.
Abused women... get out... now!

A Really Good BBQ Sauce

I used to eat nothing but Kraft BBQ sauce but when I moved to WV I was treated with this simple homemade BBQ sauce that Wanda and her sister Brenda made for the many cookouts they have and it is delicious.  I love it on everything and it is especially good on pulled pork.  Wanda and Brenda don't use a recipe... they just throw it together and taste it as they go.  I have attempted to quantify it into a recipe but remember to adjust it as needed while you are fixing it.  Try it... you'll love it.

Ingredients:
32 oz. ketchup
1 cup mustard
1/2 cup light brown sugar (dark brown is fine)
1 oz. (by weight) chili powder
1 oz. (by weight) paprika
1 tblsp. black powder
1 tsp. onion powder
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp powdered cayenne (red) pepper
1/4 tsp celery salt or powdered celery
beer (This is used to thin the sauce and does add some good flavor.  The alcohol cooks out quickly.)

You can estimate the weights of ingredients by referring to total weight on jar label.

Notes: Beer can be substituted with apple cider or cola... I do not use vinegar.
            Make adjustments after sauce has simmered for at least 5 minutes.

Put all of the ingredients in a pot and cook on medium heat, stirring occasionally to keep sauce from sticking.  Try not to let it boil because thick liquids can be messy when they begin to bubble.  You don't have to cook this for very long... just long enough for the sugar to melt and for the flavors to combine.  Adjust to your taste.  Enjoy.

Bill's Dry Rub Recipe

Are you about to cook a nice big chunk of meat and you want to add some zing to the flavor?  Try a rub... that will do the trick.  Here is the recipe for the rub that I throw together when I want a really tasty slab of good meat.

Bill's Dry Rib Rub Recipe
Ingredients
5 tablespoons paprika  (the darker the paprika the better the flavor... avoid cheap generic paprika unless you plan on using a LOT of it.)
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 tablespoon cumin (This gives it the smokey flavor.)
1 tablespoon garlic powder (Don't worry about your breath... everybody will have garlic breath and won't notice yours... lol.)
1 tablespoon onion powder
2 tablespoons brown sugar (light or dark... I usually use light.)
2 tablespoons kosher salt (I use sea salt... much better flavor than regular table salt.)
1 teaspoon powdered cayenne pepper (more of less according to your taste)
1 teaspoon finely ground black pepper
1 teaspoon white pepper (optional... you can substitute this for black pepper... actually it is immature black pepper... milder and much more tasty.)

Don't worry about going strictly by the ingredients. Basically a dry rub is spiced-up paprika (as is chili powder) and all of our tastes are different.  If you are going to use the rub on light meat like chicken or turkey then you may want to add some oregano, parsley, chives, basil, and/or allspice.  Of course these ingredients will have to be ground into a powder.  Just fly by the seat of your pants... you really can't mess up a rub.  Taste it as you go and you will have a feel for what it needs.
Combine ingredients and store in an airtight container and shake well.  Be sure to grind any ingredients that are not already powdered.  It probably wouldn't be a bad idea to grind all of the rub after you get all of the ingredients mixed.  I use a cheap blade spice grinder... works great and really helps the flavor to penetrate the meat.  Don't use your good coffee grinder.  The coffee flavor won't hurt the rub but I doubt you will want your fresh ground coffee to taste like BBQ.
Sprinkle the Rub on the meat before you put in on the grill or in the oven.  This Rub uses sugar so remember not to cook the meat too hot or the sugar will burn.  This Rub is similar to a Memphis Rub but lacks the mustard powder that most Memphis Rubs contain.  You can also use a BBQ sauce with this rub but I would recommend adding the BBQ sauce toward the end of the cooking so that it, too, won't burn.  Adding BBQ sauce early in the cooking stage is a common mistake among folks who only BBQ on rare occasions.
Note: You can baste your meat in the refrigerator overnight by mixing some rub with some beer and maybe some apple vinegar. Some folks even use Coke in their basting mixture, but I use beer... any brand will do.  If you plan on basting, make a separate helping of the rub to use in the baste and hold out the salt because a salty baste will remove moisture from the meat.  The alcohol will evaporate quickly as soon as you remove the meat from the bag and the barley, oats, and hops in the beer will add a wonderful flavor to the rub that will keep all of your guests wondering what that delicious flavor is.  Just tell them it is your "Secret Ingredient."  Beer also is known to help tenderize meat that is basted overnight.  Cheap wine is another option to use in basting.  If you prefer not to baste and you really don't like to use the rub dry you can make a thin paste using the beer (or wine) and the rub.  Just don't let the kids see you doing this... lol.
I hope all of this helps and I really hope I haven't confused you with the extra information.  My brain works(?) in very mysterious ways.  Enjoy...

Wanda's Fabulous Hot & Sweet Salsa

This is the recipe for the best salsa you will ever taste.  It is hot, sweet, and out of this world.  Everybody who tries it loves it!  We call it Wanda's Salsa but it is actually a hand-me-down recipe that came from others.  Wanda just made it famous with her charming personality and her special touch.  Even Robert Redford loves this stuff.  It is very easy to make and will make you a movie star like Redford.  Here is the Robert Redford story:

Several folks have requested that I tell the story of how Robert Redford came to taste some of Wanda's salsa, so here goes.
Sue, one of Wanda's sisters, lives in Fostoria, Ohio and for a long time she was the Commander of the American Legion there.  Sue had been in the army and was stationed in Germany for a time.  It seems that Wanda had left several jars of her salsa with Sue and it turns out that Robert Redford's bus driver is from Ohio and comes back to visit from time to time. When he is in town he often stops in for a beer at the American Legion.  On one of his visits he and Sue got to talking about the salsa and Sue ended up giving him a jar of it.  As the story goes he took the jar of salsa back to California and shared it with Redford and apparently he loved it and wanted some more.  The next time the bus driver was back in Ohio he dropped by the American Legion and told Sue how much Robert Redford liked the salsa and he wanted the driver to pick up some more of it.  Wanda's memory isn't real clear on this part of the story but she thinks that Sue gave him one more jar of the salsa and after that Sue started making the salsa herself.  Wanda isn't sure if Sue gave the driver any more salsa after that and she keeps forgetting to ask sister about it.  That's the plain and simple story about how Robert Redford came to try and enjoy some of Wanda's wonderful salsa.

Before I give you the recipe I want to tell you that Wanda does not grind this salsa up into a paste.  She slices the banana peppers into rings and uses them just like that.  You can cut them up a little more but I'm not sure how this would work if put into a food processor.  It would probably still taste great.  If you do this let us know how it turns out.  This recipe is easy, easy, easy.  Give it a try.

WANDA'S ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC HOT & SWEET SALSA
Ingredients:
~60 Large Banana Peppers
1/4 Cup Vegetable Oil
1 Cup Vinegar
32 Ounces Ketchup
2 Cups Sugar or Splenda (or 1 cup of each)

Chop Banana Peppers (or use Food Processor) and mix with all of the Ingredients listed above.
Bring the mixture to a near boil and simmer for about 20 minutes.
Place hot salsa in canning jars and seal.
That's it... times and amounts may vary according to pepper sizes and taste.  Note: Wanda uses Splenda which measures just like sugar.  Spicy characteristics will vary according to the peppers used (of course).  Also, you can boil the above mixture on a low boil for about 15 minutes and then simmer for about 10 minutes with the same results... just sort of fly by the seat of your pants on this one.  Enjoy...

Wanda's Fabulous Hot Dog Chili Recipe

Today's blog is a little different from my previous ones.  My wife has some really good recipes of her own and I thought I would share one of them with you today.  As with most recipes, hers was developed by slightly modifying others' recipes.  They should be given credit for their work also.  Below is the recipe in both original large format and also in a converted smaller format.  Please let us know if the smaller version needs to be adjusted as we have not tried it since the conversion.  Enjoy...

WANDA'S FABULOUS HOT DOG CHILI RECIPE
30 lbs Lean Ground Beef
1 cup Chili Powder (or 6 Tblsp.)
 8 Large Onions (finely chopped)
 Salt
 Seasoned Salt (any generic brand will do)
 1 and one half tablespoons black pepper
 4 cups Light Brown Sugar
 1/2 cup Yellow Mustard
 260 oz. Ketchup (any brand)
Put about 1/2" of water into a large pot.  Add hamburger meat and sprinkle salt and seasoning salt over meat to taste.  (You can always add more salt later but it is important that at least some salt is put in the chili early in the process.)   Add all of the other ingredients except for the ketchup and cook on medium heat (low boil). When meat is brown I use a hand blender or a wooden spoon to break the meat into smaller chunks.   As it cooks, the water will become greasy with meat fat.   Scoop out most  of this grease (but not all, leaving some of it for flavor) before adding the ketchup.  Now add the ketchup and cook the chili on medium low heat, stirring often for about 60 minutes.
Below is the recipe converted to a smaller potion.  You can freeze any excess chili for use at a later date.

Note:  I am getting feedback from those who have tried the smaller recipe and they are all very positive.  Some said next time they will make it spicier by adding more Chili Powder, Black Pepper (BP is hotter than most people think if enough is used.), and/or maybe adding some Powdered Red (Cayenne) Pepper.   This is understandable since this recipe is for retail consumption where many of the buyers are getting this for their kids.  Adults will find this recipe to be mild, but very tasty.  When Wanda brings the mild version home from the store I like to top it off with chopped onions and Texas Pete.

2 lbs.  Lean Ground Beef
1 Tbsp. Chili Powder
1 Small Onion (or 1/2 Large Onion) finely chopped
Salt (to taste)
Seasoning Salt (to taste)
Black Pepper (to taste)
1/4 cup Light Brown Sugar
1 tsp. Mustard
16 ounces Ketchup

I Hate Telephones

Maybe "hate" isn't the appropriate word for how I feel about telephones but it is probably pretty close.  Telephones can be a wonderful thing... but they can also be a pain in the butt.  We need telephones for medical emergencies but I am having a difficult time thinking of any other reasons we really need them nowadays.  Most of my family interaction comes via social media (Facebook, email, etc.) these days and I very seldom use the telephone anymore.  When I say "telephone" I mean the one that we call a "land line"... the one that is hardwired into the house.  I really think these are soon to be another dinosaur in the big scheme of things.  I figure they will follow the transistor radio, pagers, and vinyl record albums into the archives of oblivion very soon.
Why do I despise telephones?  Mainly I hate them because they are an invasion of my privacy, which is the only reason I should need.  I value my privacy and I do not appreciate it when it is invaded.  I get telephone calls when I am trying to sleep, when I am busy doing something I feel is important, and when I am just sitting here enjoying the silence.  Maybe 1 in 100 of these phone calls is pleasant, but most are calls reminding me about doctor's appointments, filled prescriptions that have been filled and need to be picked up, requests for donations, political surveys, etc.  Once in a great while I get a telephone call that I really enjoy... but that is a high price to pay for the intrusion this blasphemous device brings to my solitude. Yes, I could just turn the ringer off, but then I might miss that "important" phone call that we all seem to be waiting on but never comes. What a mess.  I am thinking that it won't be much longer before I decide to just toss this infernal thing into the river.  I don't really need it anymore.
My wife has a cellphone and she loves it.  She has a large family and they are very close.  The cellphone allows her to stay in touch with them and to access the internet as well as take pictures of memorable moments.  I can even text her on it using my email client on my computer.  Cellphones aren't bad... as long as they belong to someone else.
There was a time in my life when I thought that I couldn't live without a telephone.  That time has passed.  I really don't need a telephone anymore.  Is that a bad thing?  I don't think so.

What the Hell Did Dr. Spock Know?

Today is Mother's Day here in the United States and I feel compelled to say a few words about all of the mothers out there.  Don't ask me why, but one of the first things I thought about when my fingers touched the keyboard was Dr. Benjamin Spock and the books he wrote about raising children in the 1940's and later.  Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia about him:

Benjamin McLane Spock (May 2, 1903 – March 15, 1998) was an American pediatrician whose book Baby and Child Care, published in 1946, is one of the biggest best-sellers of all time. Throughout its first 52 years, Baby and Child Care was the second-best-selling book, next to the Bible.^[1] Its message to mothers is that "you know more than you think you do."^[2]

I love that last sentence.  Even though Dr. Spock was a learned pediatrician he never gave birth to a child.  I am sure that he was a wise man but can a man really possess the feelings and instincts that a Mother is born with and develops through motherhood?  I certainly am not going to sit here and bash him, but I have oftentimes wondered how a man ended up writing such a prolific book about child-rearing when it seems that this would have been a woman who authored such a prominent book.  Oh well.  We men think we know it all and the women just let us keep on thinking that, I guess.  Aren't women wonderful?
Anyway, I want to say a huge "Thank You!" to all of you Mothers out there and here's hoping that you have a truly wonderful "Mother's Day."  You certainly deserve it.  Bless you all. 

Don't Let Your Kids Talk to Strangers

This is common knowledge but it really strikes home now that we see what has happened to the 3 girls who got into the car with Ariel Castro, a complete stranger, a decade ago in Cleveland Ohio.  This type of thing scares me to death.
We look forward to spending our Golden Years watching our children and their children mature.  It is one of the sheer pleasures of life.  To think that it can all be snuffed out in a moment of inattention by one of them is terrifying.  It is unimaginable, completely incomprehensible what kind of horrors those poor girls have gone through over the past decade because of one little slip-up.  This can happen to any of our kids or grandkids simply by their having one little weak moment when an evil stranger approaches them.  What little kid would say "No" when someone asks them to help them find their lost puppy or kitten?  The same thing goes if a stranger approaches them and tells them that their Mom has been in an accident and she sent him to pick her up and take her to the hospital.  This is absolutely horrifying to me.  Let's make sure we drill this into our kids.  We can't just take it for granted that they would know better.  We need to talk to them now... today.  Please, just do it.

Mark Twain- "The Voice of Reason"

Almost all of us (in the U.S.) know who Mark Twain was.  His real name was Samuel Clemens and he was from Hannibal Missouri.  He wrote many books under the famous pen name of Mark Twain and we read several of these in our childhood.  I will never be able to forget Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer... and Jim the faithful slave.  I really enjoyed the books and even now I watch the movie renditions from time to time.  I still enjoy them as much as I did in my youth.
But do we really know the man who wrote these wonderful stories?  I don't think that very many of us do.  I am going to make this short and sweet by listing a couple of facts and several of his famous quotations.  You can do research (Using Google will give much more about "Good Old Sam.") and check my facts and quotes for authenticity.  Read, research, and see if you really knew him.  Keep in mind that one of his nicknames was "The Voice of Reason"  Here goes... and I promise you that you will either love this or hate it.  I don't think many will straddle the fence on this one.

Samuel Clemens moved to Virginia City, Nevada in order to elude the draft during the War of Northern Aggression.  If you remember your history you will remember that Missouri saw a lot of action during the war and much of it was internal.  Missourians were split down the middle as to their loyalties and beliefs and this cause much violence during the war.  I guess Sam felt that he would just let the others settle the issue.

Here are a few of his more famous quotes.  Research will yield many more for he was a prolific speaker and writer.  Keep in mind that he was a Presbyterian.

"Faith is believing something you know ain't true." 
                 

"'In God We Trust.' I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true." 
                 

"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do
 understand."    
              

"Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of."    
              

"There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad." Mark Twain in Eruption    
      

"Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast" Reflections on Religion, 1906 
 

"[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology." Mark Twain and the Bible       

"Man is a marvelous curiosity ... he thinks he is the Creator's pet ... he even believes the Creator loves him; has a passion for him; sits up nights to admire him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea." Letters from the Earth    
      

"If there is a God, he is a malign thug."    
              

Mr. Clemens was once asked whether he feared death. He said that he did not, in view of the fact that he had been dead for billions and billions of years before he was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

    
"[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies."

    
"In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing." Autobiography of Mark Twain by Samuel Clemens

 

Internet Sales Tax

The U.S. Senate is expected to vote today on a bill that would require all major (whatever that means) online retailers to collect sales tax on all transactions.  Here is my opinion on that.
I do a lot of shopping online, mainly because I just don't care much for leaving the house and shopping.  I can usually find a pretty good price online and most of the time I do not have to pay sales tax on my purchases.  However, I do have to pay for shipping.  Even when a seller states that shipping is Free I know that he has already covered the transportation costs in his price he has set for the item.  No problem.  I do the same thing when I sell online so I understand that this is really just a game.
Why do we have to pay sales tax?  Sure, the country needs a LOT of money to keep everything running but isn't that what income tax is for?  I really don't thing it is fair for my income to be taxed and then the same money is taxed again when I purchase something, unless it is a food item, which is not taxed in my state.  I guess that this means that food is a necessity so I don't have to pay tax on it but nothing else I buy is a necessity so I have to pay sales tax on it.
When I buy something online and do not have to pay sales tax I feel like a petty criminal.  I really shouldn't have to feel this way and I don't think it is right for me to have to feel this way.  Neither do I think I should have to pay sales tax on any other thing I buy.  Just because we have been doing it all of our lives doesn't make it right.
I have a proposal that I think would work for our country... and all other countries.  Why don't we all pay income tax on our earnings and cut out the sales tax?   The "big guys" don't have to pay income tax at the same rate I do therefore the country has to make up for it by charging sales tax.  I say "Not Fair!"
The big guys will jump in and say "Wait a minute, we give a lot of people jobs."  Sure they do, and these workers pay income tax and buy the products others have produced which keeps people working.  It isn't just the company bigwig who keeps the economy going.  The little guy has just as much to do with keeping our economy viable as the big guys do.  Maybe more, since our money is taxed twice!
Why don't we just all pay a fair share of our income tax and do away with sales tax?

The Stray Cat and the Flypaper

This is the story of a really bad day in the life of a stray cat.  You may think this story is funny but I very much doubt that the cat would agree.  This may well have been the worst day of this particular cat's life.
It was a pitiful-looking yellow/orange stray cat.  You just had to feel sorry for this skinny little cat as it sat outside of the back door looking for a little bite of food.  It looked like it was about to starve to death so we put out some food and water for it on the back porch and after we went away it finally walked over and ate the food.  I guess it liked the free handout because it came back for more but it never let us get close to it.  This was a feral (wild) cat and it just didn't trust people.
Now we generally keep our back door open because we like the cool air blowing down off of the hill to cool us off in the summer but that presents a problem.  Sometimes we get flies and other insects in the house and that can be a little unpleasant so we put up those terrible stick fly strips that you stick to the ceiling with a thumb tack and the flies just love to land on the sweet-smelling stick strips.  Problem solved.
Back to the cat.  As time went by the cat got a little bit braver and my wife was able to coax it into the kitchen to eat and sometimes it would even lie down on the blanket on the floor under the table.  We had to leave the door open so that the cat would have an escape route and when I came into the kitchen the cat usually took off.  It hadn't gotten to know me and it didn't even like for me to look it's way, so I gave it plenty of room and was careful not to look it in the eye.  This cat was wild.  I doubt it had ever been inside of a house before.
Then one day I was sitting in the living room and I heard this terrible terrible squalling coming from the kitchen.  I got up out of my chair and went to see what the hell was going on in the kitchen.  The first thing I noticed was that the wind had blown the back door shut and this had obviously caused the cat to panic.  So, I eased over to the door, careful not to make eye contact with the cat, and opened the door so the cat could get out.  And out the cat went... acting like an idiot... jumping, twisting, squalling, and carrying on like you've never seen before.  The can made it's way down the driveway, did a couple of flips up into the air and took off into the bushes.  I have no words to describe how that cat was acting.  Of course, I always suspected that cat was possessed or something and it looked like it's demons had finally gotten the best of it.  Oh well.  So long, cat.
When my wife got home from work I told her what had happened and we both just shook our heads.  Who would have thought that a cat would be so claustrophobic that it actually went crazy when the door got blown shut.  Whatever.
My wife likes to sit at the kitchen table with the back door open and the ceiling fan on and just enjoy the sight of the birds feeding and watching the other animals that we usually have on the hill out behind the house and that's where she was sitting (I was in the living room sitting in my recliner.) when all of a sudden she broke out into a hysterical laugh.  I was thinking, "Oh no, not her too!"  She had gone crazy just like the cat did.  I'm not going back into THAT kitchen.  No sir.
Well, wifee was finally able to walk and she stumbled and laughed her way into the room where I was and with tears in her eyes she was finally able to speak.  "I know what happened," she said.  "Okay, will you let me in on the secret?"  I asked.  She looked at me, laughed some more and then coughed out the words "The fly strip is missing."
Evidently the fly strip getting blown around by the ceiling fan had been too much for the cat.  It must have gone nuts laying there under the table watching the wind blow the strip back and forth and finally just had to attack it.  That may have been the biggest mistake that cat ever made, because apparently the fly strip won that fight.  At least that explained why the cat was jumping up in the air and doing all of those crazy flips.
Several days later the cat returned, looking even worse that it did when it first showed up at our back door.  It was covered in sticky brown glue and had obviously had a rough time over the last few days.  Wanda (wifee) cleaned the cat as best as she could and fed it.  Poor cat.  You certainly couldn't blame it for being paranoid.  Everybody and everything was out to get this cat.  I can only imagine the nightmares it must have had when it finally was able to get to sleep.  Poor cat.
Well, the cat hung around for a few weeks and I guess it finally felt good enough to head back out into the world to seek out it's fame and fortune because one day it was gone and we haven't seen it since.  I wish it the best.
I'll bet you one thing, though.  That cat will never attack a fly strip again.

A New Pacemaker for An Old Geezer

I got a new Pacemaker yesterday and a friend wanted to hear about the experience, so here goes.
I have a Pacemaker/Defibrillator because my heart has some muscle damage and also tends to go into atrial fibrillation (flutter) occasionally.  It's really no big deal.  Lots of folks have them and they are really pretty neat.  They aren't too big and the doctor just cuts a slit in the skin and slips it in.  Of course there's a little more to it than that because they have to hook up a few wires to the heart but it isn't really anywhere near to being major surgery.  The only problem is that the battery only lasts about 5 years and they have to replace the unit periodically.  That's what they did for me yesterday.
I had to be there at 7:30 a.m. so Wanda and I got an early start headed to the hospital.  I wasn't allowed to eat or drink after the previous midnight so I was just dying for some breakfast.  What I would have given for a steak, some eggs, and a big cup of coffee!  Oh well, maybe I'd live until lunch.  Maybe.
I got checked in on time and was escorted into the cardiovascular surgical unit.  As soon as my butt hit the cot I was swarmed by 5 beautiful nurses.  It was awful. (pffffft!)  I felt like a movie star.  They were all so nice and they certainly knew their jobs.  They stuck me with an I.V. (which I was to really appreciate later) and shave off the only hair I had on my chest.  Darn!  I hope it grows back.  Thank goodness they let me keep my grey ponytail and beard.
It was obvious from the beginning that these girls had a sense of humor and knew how to "cut the fool."   If you know anything at all about me then you know that I love to "cut the fool."  In fact, I've been doing it for so long that I've forgotten how normal folks really act.  Anyway, I jumped right in and had a blast cutting up with the ladies.  They made the morning fun and if we could have sent out for pizza and beer it would have been a heck of a party.
Next it was time to be wheeled down to surgery.  Time to get serious.  Not!  The folks in surgery were cut-up's too.  Please pardon the pun.  Right out of the gate a cute little nurse asked me, "Well, are you ready to do it?"  Now there's an opening I just could not refuse.  "Not now Honey, but maybe after the surgery we could work something out."   Everybody in the room broke into spontaneous laughter and I could see this was going to be fun.  And it was.  We cut up right up to the point to where the Doctor stabbed (I mean sliced) me.  It wasn't bad.  Local anesthesia but they covered my head so that I couldn't watch.  I guess they thought I had fallen asleep because sometimes I don't breathe real quietly and it sort of sounds like a snore.  I listened to the whole thing.  It was pretty interesting.  When it was over I told the girl that I was awake the whole time.  "Riiiiiiiiiight..." she said.  I don't think she believe me.  Oh well, what's new?  The story of my life.
Now it was time to be rolled back out to recovery.  The group of nurses was still out there and as I said before, it wasn't bad at all.  The only thing bad was that laying flat on my back and not being able to move for a few hours was causing my arthritis to kick into action.  My knees, hips, and shoulders were definitely letting me know that they wanted some attention.  Wow.  I was in pain.  When I told one of the nurses I figured she would say something like, "Don't worry, it will all be over soon."  But I was in for a huge surprise when she asked me, "Are you allergic to morphine?"  What?  Are you kidding me?  I'd kill for some morphine right now.  I told her I was definitely not allergic to morphine and in a matter of only a few minutes she was shooting the "good stuff" into my I.V. bag.  Heck, no need for that.  She could have just stuck the needle in me and saved herself some trouble.  "This may make you a little sleepy," she said.  Sweet words... but I forced myself to stay awake.  I wasn't about to go to sleep now... not with pretty nurses everywhere and me being the center of attention.  No sir.  This old boy is going to stay awake.
Wifee came in and I was told it was ok if I wanted to eat now, and my sweet wife slipped down to the cafeteria and picked me up a burger and Coke.  I can't tell you how good that little burger tasted.  And the Coke was heavenly. 
Soon it was time to leave and so we got into the car and headed back toward our little house on the river.  It sure was good to get home.  I thought Sissy (our little weiner dog) was going to have a stroke.  She was so happy to see us and we were happy to see her.  Home Sweet Home.  There's no place like.
So folks, that wraps it up.  I made it through my little surgical procedure and am now all charged up (that's a pun folks... lol.) and ready for the Spring and Summer.  Bring it on!

Rube was "The Man"

I sure do miss Rube.  For several years he was part of the family.  He would show up every April and stay with us until late August or early September.  Rube was big and he was beautiful, and he ruled the Spring and Summer months around the Sikes place when he was in town.  He was one of those special creatures that you run across maybe once in a lifetime if you are very very lucky.  Rube was "The Man."
Rube was a hummingbird.  He wasn't just your everyday hummingbird... he was a huge Ruby-Throated Hummingbird and he ruled his domain like none other that I have ever seen.  He was a freak of nature because of his size... one of those genetic marvels that Mother Nature seems to throw at us once every eon or so.  He was huge.  Rube was easily twice as large as any of the other hummers that come up to West Virginia from South America every year and I guess he was a bully, but you just had to love him.  When he was in  town we didn't have  lot of other hummingbirds around our feeder.  No sir, that was Rube's feeder and he didn't like to share it.  When another hummer would stop by for nice cool drink of nectar Rube was off of his favorite perch like a flash and in hot pursuit of the terrified stranger who enevitably fled from this red-throated monster never to be seen in these parts again.  Rube did not share his domain with anyone... well, maybe a pretty little lady hummingbird every now and then, but the other male hummers didn't stand a chance when he was around.  No sir, Rube was the man.
Rube's favorite perch was a little branch high up in the big sycamore tree and as he sat there between nectar cocktails he surveyed his domain.  He would sit up there on his perch and rule his kingdom until he was ready for another drink of the sweet nectar form the feeder in the big mimosa tree.
I used to sit outside and watch Rube by the hour.  He was amazing.  He must have had a wristwatch hidden somewhere among those feathers of his because he kept a tight schedule.  About every 14 minutes, yes I timed him, he would swoop down off of his lofty perch and get a large gulp of sugar water from "His Feeder."  It was uncanny how it was always every 14 minutes... unless, of course, he was terrorizing the newcomers to the Sikes Saloon.  He didn't like strangers around his favorite watering hole.  No sir, Rube liked to drink alone.
I often wonder if Rube came from a really large egg (Bless his Mom is he did.) or if he started out the same size as other hummingbirds and just kept on growing and growing until he became the giant he was.  I hate to use the word "freak" to describe him, but he was definitely a freak of nature.  But he was beautiful and we loved him.
Rube was with us for several years and then one April he just didn't show up.  I would look up at the big sycamore to see if he was there every time I went outside but he just didn't show up one year and it broke our heart.  These things happen.  I guess he just got too old to make the big trip up from South America and across the Gulf of Mexico to our back yard.  The life of a hummingbird is a tough life.  No telling what happened to Rube, but he no longer rules our back yard.  We have more hummingbirds now, although none of them are as large and beautiful as Rube was.  But they are beautiful and they entertain us with their marvelous aerobatics and their constant squabbling.  We love them but things just aren't the same around here anymore.
I sure do miss Rube.  He was "The Man."  Rest in peace, buddy.